well..where do you start from when you fail comprehensively at something that you really..really wanted to succeed at. failed at CAT n FMS '10 both. 58 percentile in CAT.
this is not the first time i've failed. neither is it the grandest of my failures. but yes, it is the place where i want to succeed badly, with the wish that it belittles all the failures that i've survived till date. it hurts. just as bad as it had when i'd come second for that first time in class 5th. and then began a series of failures that knew no end. fear crept in in my psyche. my confidence was left shaky.
its never been the case with me. somehow i've never been able to sustain this proverbial fire in the belly thing. and that's why this jinx of failing again and again never does get un-done. bura lagta hai. aaj bhi utna hi jitna isse pahle kabhi bhi laga ho. haarna aaj bhi nahi pasand. utna hi jitna bachpan se lagta aaya hai. i do not quit. i do not give up. but i guess its time to realise that just 'not giving up' doesn't ensure one's success. instead of the trepid 'assure a min. return' i need to take a risk and for once, give sth my all.
whatever i've taken up in life, its never been un-doable in life. i've always known things to be within my reach. but still haven't been able to get to them. why ?? if not answered today, with a cool n thinking head, i might never be able to make myself understand one thing. not everything in life is a sprint. a lot of things need patience and continuos putting in of hard work over a period of time. discipline counts for more than we think. where's it in you ?? a few good sessions do not ensure a good career. a few good tests do not ensure your killing a test altogether.
stop counting on scraping through to sth. kill it. go for the max. push yourself. harder and harder by the night. for, if not ambition, what else is left in your life now. at work, and at life: SUCCEED. you can do it. that's the best part. you kno you can. a more important question and decision comes right next to this best thing. actually DOING things. do it. do it. do it. do it. do it bloody.
u kno u feed on success. all your flamboyance depends on it. you've never been empty talk. you've always backed it with oodles of performance. do justice to it. succeed day in and day out. start with little stuff first. take them as minor challenges and then get over them. winning is never a once in a while thing. make it a habit. don't hate losing. love winning ! think twice and overhaul the way you think. why just ensure a seat at A. why not let anyone else deny a seat there to you ?? see. the moment you change your target from a 98-99 percentile zone to a 100 percentile thing, you see the scale of change your entire line of thinking goes. why be content with a little of something when you can fight for all of it. isn't eternal glory worth a biiiiiiiiig fight..??!!
a lot would need change. mental attitude is the first one. being aggressive is good, but only so long as its improving something in you. aggression without purpose is a wastage of energy. and you're not getting PR credits for your everyday life. be easy in it. and with it. fight wahi karo jaha jarurat hai. bring life to a schedule. and follow it. over a year. ya, a YEAR. lets decide it right here and now and make a deal with yourself. next year is when you want to make it big in your life. the biggest success should be there, waiting for you, right there in the next year.
sab kuch do-able hai yaha se. the results do not show how much you'd learnt and improved over your previous attempts. but you know you've come a along way. a big psychological barrier was crossed during preparations this time. from 'it might get done' , you've come to 'i can do it'. that's one huge huge improvement. but intangible at the same time. make it count this year.let's just put all your faculties in the pursuit of one thing - your success at the ABCD dream. Ahmedabad - Bangalore - Calcutta - Delhi.
preserve this fire that you feel in your belly right now. this sense of humiliation and being humbled. rem'ber how it hurts. and let it not be dowsed by the everyday living. you have amazing sources of energy in you. use it. fire yourself everytime you slacken. do not accept compromises. do not accept half attempts. learn to respect your own efforts that you put in. by not putting in 100% of your heart and mind at one place and for one goal, you're not just hurting your chances of success, you're effectively wasting your own efforts. and that's highest order of foolishness. don't do it.
learn from your mistakes. stop committing them in your daily life. a year out of your anyways-not-a-happening-life wudn't hurt at all. work on it.
let's succeed in life for once. and nothing in life succeeds like success. and its the only thing you want as you write this. its the purest want that you could feel. respect it. get it. give yourself the name you've always cherished. earn it.
its not ravi singh yet. but it can be. its all in your hands once again.